Sam Levinson Should Pay Sydney Sweeney’s Mortgage

Photo: Rich Polk/Getty Images for MTV

Sydney Sweeney wants to be a young mom. In a Hollywood Reporter profile, she says that the industry stigmatizes young moms, and, “I was worried that, if I don’t work, there is no money and no support for kids I would have.” Like all moms, young or otherwise, Sweeney wants to provide for her children, even if they’re still hypothetical. But she’s candid about how her life as a double-Emmy-nominated actress and it-girl is more financially taxing than it would appear to outsiders. “If I wanted to take a six-month break, I don’t have income to cover that,” she says to THR. “I don’t have someone supporting me, I don’t have anyone I can turn to, to pay my bills or call for help.” Surely HBO paychecks afford a lifestyle immune from rising gas prices? “They don’t pay actors like they used to, and with streamers, you no longer get residuals,” Sweeney notes. “The established stars still get paid, but I have to give 5 percent to my lawyer, 10 percent to my agents, 3 percent or something like that to my business manager. I have to pay my publicist every month, and that’s more than my mortgage.”

Can someone who is good at the economy please help her budget this? Her hypothetical future family is dying! Let’s crunch some numbers. In January, Sweeney bought her first house in Westwood for $3 million, which was actually $305,000 over asking. Rough calculations on a 30-year fixed-loan rate in Los Angeles assuming a 20 percent down payment put her monthly mortgage payments at nearly $17,000. (Why did I spend time doing this?) That’s still a lot of coin, though. If Sweeney does in fact become a young mom, I have come up with two ways that she could take a six-month break if she wanted to. (I am not a financial adviser and this is not financial advice.)

1) She could sell one of her five vintage and luxury cars.

2) She should get Sam Levinson to pay her better. In the interview, Sweeney says she does brand partnerships out of financial necessity: “If I just acted, I wouldn’t be able to afford my life in L.A. I take deals because I have to.” What are Levinson and HBO paying these Euphoria kids? Never forget Zendaya had to fight for the Malcolm & Marie crew’s payment. Pony up, Levinson. Sweeney has so many future-babies and cars to feed.